Am I fat? Keeping my clothes on!

I took my 11 year old son for his annual physical this week and his doctor told him that he is in the 80th percentile for height and 60th percentile for weight. He immediately turned to me and asked "Mom, am I fat"?  It is kind of amazing to me that what he heard was that he weighed too much.  I had to explain that he is slightly above average in weight, but significantly above average in height, so no, he is not fat.  Isn't it amazing what our brains pick up and focus on. The fact that he could even think that he might be fat (I hate that word) shows me that he could easily be swayed into thinking he is something that he is not.  We are all so vulnerable.

I remember when my Mom was in her 60's she said to me "I want to look good in my clothes; I've given up looking good out of them".  After my initial thought of "ewww gross, don't talk about being naked, you are my mother", what she said made a lot of sense to me.  I never had the feeling that I looked good without my clothes on.  I've always been modest and self-conscious about my body.  I hated changing my clothes in the locker room after PE in junior high and high school, I've never been comfortable being naked in front of people including myself, and giving birth to 2 children with a million strangers in my business (it felt like a million) was mortifying.  Where did I learn this?  How did it happen?  I can't blame everything on my mother!!!  Well, I could, but that wouldn't be fair or realistic.  I wasn't teased about my body as a child or an adult that I can remember...it's weird.  In case you haven't noticed up to this point, I have issues!!  Like I always say "Jeri Grunke from Weiser, Idaho....I never had a chance - there is no way I was going to be cool or escape without issues!!!". 

I really want my children to grow up with positive self-images and I am thankful I don't have a daughter in which to pass my issues on.  I hope my boys know how amazing they are from within.  I can tell them that a million times, but unless they believe it and feel it on the inside, then it won't matter.  What we believe about ourselves is so much more powerful than what other think of us.  That's the hard part.

Turkey Trot, the good, the bad and the...negative

So last Thursday, I ran a 10K Turkey Trot.  The weather was perfect, the route was good, the event was well-organized, the fall leaves were beautiful, my body felt strong, it was a great morning.  In fact, it is the best I've felt in a race for a long time.  I didn't have the urge to walk, my music was pumping, my legs felt strong, my lungs were cooperating and yet as I was looking at my shadow, here was my internal diatribe - my hips are too wide, my legs are too fat, I'm too heavy over & over.  I had to pry my eyes away from my shadow to stop the self-abuse.  Now, why would I do this?  I know I should have gotten that degree in psychology - it would be so helpful!!  Why would I be so mean to myself while doing something healthy on a day that is all about sitting around and eating?

We are our own worse critic, we will say things to ourselves that we would never say to someone else and we have to work hard to change our negative internal dialogue to the positive.  It is not always easy and it takes a lot of practice.  I still have a long way to go, but I am working at it.    My new mantra - be kind to everyone, especially myself.  Now, I'm off to go for a run in the rain because it makes me feel hardcore, tough, amazing and even a little bad ass!! I am grateful that my body and mind (it takes both) can run a 10K.

Nurture your spirit and I will too!

Cranberry Salsa Dip AKA Sex on a Cracker

Happy Thanksgiving!

I started off this morning with a 10K Turkey Trot along with several thousand other people.  Perfect weather, fun course, legs felt good, the best way to start a day of gluttony!

We will be venturing over to my sister-in-law's house later this afternoon and I wanted to share the recipe for what I am bringing.  It is the perfect appetizer to bring to all of your holiday gatherings; people absolutely love it!  In fact, my brother-in-law coined it "sex on a cracker" - it is that good!  Plus, it is easy and healthy/low cal as far as appetizers go.  Enjoy!

Cranberry Salsa Dip w/cream cheese

1 12oz. bag of fresh cranberries, rinsed, discard soft/damaged one
4 green onions, minced (1/2 cup)
2 small jalapeno peppers, seeded & minced
1/2 cup sugar
1/4 cup cilantro, minced
2T. fresh ginger, finely grated
2T. lemon juice
1 8oz. package, low-fat cream cheese brick

Place rinsed cranberries into food processor and pulse until finely chopped, but not mushy. Transfer to bow. Stir in green onions, jalapenos, sugar, cilantro, ginger and lemon juice. Cover and refrigerate for 4 hours to allow flavors to blend. The flavor mellows and sweetens over time.

Arrange salsa around the block of cream cheese. Serve with water crackers. 

 

Surviving Thanksgiving

Here we are again Turkey Day; I can't say that I've been looking forward to you.  A day that is all about eating is a challenge for all of us who tend to binge eat from time to time.  The copious amount of food is overwhelming and not overeating is near impossible.  So, do I admit defeat before the day has even begun or do I fight?  Here's my strategy and I will do my best to stick with it:

1.  Run annual 10K Turkey Trot with my running partner - it feels so good to have roughly 600 calories burned going in!
2.  Eat regularly throughout the day instead of "saving up" for the main event.
3.  Wear snug fitting pants to inlaws' house - sweat pants, elastic waists are not my friend!
4.  Limit alcohol consumption as it can lead to a total breakdown of said strategy.  Limit means 2 or less over several hours.
5.  Focus on visiting and kids vs appetizers and snacks.
6.  Know going in that the dinner is always served later than planned, prepare for that.
7.  Be the last one to go through the buffet line; food looks much less appetizing at the end of the line as opposed to the front.
8.  Get up and move whenever possible, help the hostess, play with kids, go for a walk, etc.
9.  No seconds.
10.  A small piece of dessert is plenty.

That's it, I'm feeling good, I'm feeling strong!  Wish me luck!  Is that Rocky theme music that I hear?

The rest of the story...

So, when I was about 34, I joined Weight Watchers and had a lot of success.  I lost weight pretty much every week, even throughout the holidays and reached my goal weight 7 months later with a total weight loss of 55 pounds.  

It is an understatement to say that I was happy, excited, and ready to share the awesomeness of Weight Watchers with anyone who would listen...and even those who were trying not to!  I learned so much, was in control of my eating in a way I had never been, armed with knowledge I had never had.  I was so in love with Weight Watchers that I decided to work for the company as a receptionist and then as a Leader.  It was such a rewarding job and I loved helping other people.  I worked for them for 8 years and decided to leave when I was becoming too bitter about how the company is run and how poorly they treat and pay their employees.  I was also at the point where I felt I had shared everything I had to share and was tired of talking about the same topics over and over.  I was no longer as good of a meeting facilitator as I had once been.  And...I had started gaining weight.

So, that is where I am today, at a bit of a crossroads.  I really believe that at every decade, our bodies change, so turning 40 (in addition to freaking me out) equaled weight gain.  I can no longer get away with some old habits that have returned for a visit and am trying to figure out a healthy balance that is realistic and sustainable.  To be more consistent in doing what I know.  So, here is the game plan that I have put into place.  

1. Eat primarily a plant based diet - fruits, vegetables, beans, nuts, whole grains.

2.  Limit animal products (including my favorite - cheese) and processed foods.

3.  Exercise consistently, do with friends whenever possible as it helps with accountability and is a lot more fun.

4.  Sign up and complete half marathons to give my running meaning (3-4 per year).

5.  Limit alcohol - for me that is wine & margaritas.  One night a week is plenty.

6. Be open to new ideas and strategies such as juiced fruits and vegetables to add more micronutrients to my diet.

7.  Focus on health and healthy habits as opposed to how much I weigh and various body issues that bring me down.

8.  Eliminate night time eating - munching after dinner is never a good thing and does not bring about good choices.

9.  2 Diet Cokes per day or less...not sure that I can commit to zero per day at this point.

10. Repeat to stay within a healthy weight range.

Here's to focusing on health, it really is worth it!

Goodbye Sweet Lover or Quitin' is Hard to Do

I have had a constant companion for the past 25 years or so and I am in the process of saying goodbye to him.  Oh, we've broken up before for several months at a time here and there, but this time, I'm trying to give him the boot for good.  Can I do it, you ask?  Well, let's just say my track record is not good, but I believe we always have the ability to make changes and better choices...until we die that is.  The name of my sweet lover is Diet Coke.  He is bad for me, but that is easy to ignore when you can't see the physical and possibly mental harm he is doing.

I have an addictive personality.  I get hooked/obsessed/OCDed on things very easily.  I'm so lucky that I've never tried illegal drugs because I'm convinced if I had ever tried crack, I would never be back!  I think I've gone from one addiction to another my whole life.  My saving grace has been that I've been strategic, some might say smart about my addictions.  

It started with sucking my thumb as a baby.  When I was about 5 years old, my parents did everything they could think of to get me to stop - nothing worked.  When I started school, I was careful not to do it there, but it was the only way I could go to sleep for two more years.  Then, being the good Catholic girl that I was forced to be, I gave it up for lent and that was that.  From there, my addictions morphed to candy, television, movies, boys (I'm sorry Larry Kugler), and many other things that I am blanking on at the moment.  

My mom instilled a lot of fear...knowledge...phobia...angst about the bad stuff - sex, drugs and rock and roll baby!  I didn't drink alcohol until I was of age (save a couple of wine coolers here and there and the drinking age was 18 when I went to school in London at the age of 20), I didn't have sex until I was older and sure I was in love, I never tried pot or the other illegal drugs I was around, I tried smoking only once the same night I met the super model Niki Taylor, and when I used to chew tobacco in college (the guys thought my girlfriends and I were cool), I would only do it once a month because I didn't want to become addicted.

But, I digress, Diet Coke, the addiction that has been with me for many, many years.  Do I care?  In part no, no I don't.  But, I know that it causes stomach aches, gas (I'm sorry family & running partner - you know who you are), it's bad for my teeth, bone density, stomach lining.  So, what the hell, I'm saying goodbye for now, I can't commit to forever at this point.  The problem is that I've never been able to find a good replacement.  I drink a lot of water, but as you know, water is boring!

Wish me luck on my journey to a healthier me!  I could fail, it wouldn't be the first time!

To Juice or Not to Juice

So, I worked for the American Diabetes Association for the past 5 years and part of my job was to plan an annual fundraising luncheon.  Before I left, I secured this year's speaker, Joe Cross of the documentary "Fat, Sick, & Nearly Dead".  I attended the luncheon as a guest and was pleased to see what a fantastic speaker Joe is - his Australian accent doesn't hurt either.

He shared his story of being very overweight and physically sick.  He realized at the age of 40 that he had been focusing on wealth and neglecting his health.  He knew his life would be dramatically shortened if he didn't make some major changes.  He decided to go on at 60 day juice fast while traveling across America and talking to people along the way.  He filmed his experiences and thus, "Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead" was born and with it this "juice to reboot" revolution among his devoted fans and Facebook followers.  It is worth watching if you haven't seen it.

Now, eliminating everything from one's diet except for juiced fruits and vegetables goes against all of my training (as a Weight Watchers Leader), independent research and knowledge.  It just does not seem healthy no matter how I try to justify it.  I know that if you drastically cut your caloric intake, your body burns muscle, not fat - so you may lose 10 pounds in 10 days, but it is mostly water and muscle.  However, overloading your body with micronutrients from the juiced fruits and vegetables is enticing.  It is suppose to give you a lot of natural energy and feel amazing, after day 3 that is.  I think on days 1-3, you go a bit Norman Bates.

So, I've decided to give it a shot in a modified way - I will juice my breakfast and lunch and then eat a regular vegetarian dinner including quinoa (a yummy grain if you haven't tried it) to get a complete protein into my diet for one week leading up to Thanksgiving.  Now for the really hard part - that means I will also be on a break (not giving up, I'm just not there yet) from my morning latte, Diet Coke (I just broke into a cold sweat just typing that) and wine.  I may have to have a glass of wine or two at my son's school's auction event this Saturday, so I am giving myself permission for that.

Wish me luck!  See you soon Lover... also known as Diet Coke.  Yes, I really am that addicted, I'm not proud.

Halloween Candy, You Are My Foe

Halloween is the kick off to the seasonal candy that I love and I am not safe until Easter.  I don't know why little bite sized candies in various shapes taste better than the originals, but they just do!!  

My 2 boys got about 5 pounds of candy each from trick-or-treating.  My older son, took out 20 of his favorite pieces and asked that the rest be donated to the military overseas.  My younger son is allergic to nuts and has only a few favorite kinds of candy, so he kept a few pieces and gave the rest of his candy to his friends that he trick-or-treated with.  Who are these people?  Even though I gave birth to both of them, I'm pretty sure we aren't related!  When I was a kid, my whole life revolved around candy and doing whatever it took to get it.  There is no way I would have donated any of it and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have let allergies stop me either.  Epi pen, Benedryl, adrenalin, I could have figured out how to self-administer them if it meant candy!!

As an adult; here is what happened:
Glass half empty version - I ate a ton of Halloween candy; did I really need to buy 2 big bags of candy when I know we get very few trick-or-treaters?  In my defense, we did get more kids than last year.

Glass half full version - I discarded the left over Halloween candy before eating the entire bag.  Hurray for me!

In reality, I'm not safe from my candy addiction until Easter and I will be white knuckling it all the way!!  

Where was I?

Oh yeah, I was on a bit of a tangent there!  I do think health, activity and nutrition need to be part of our curriculum at every age.

It is mind-boggling to me that I had no idea how to read a nutrition label until I joined Weight Watchers at the age of 33.  And even then, I was only taught how to look at calories, fat and fiber.  Well, what about all of the other nutritional contents?  I'm still not sure how much sodium I should be consuming nor how much I am actually consuming on a daily basis.  Even my basic understanding of a calorie (KCal) is confusing.  No wonder we don't have the first clue as to what we are doing to our bodies!

So, back to my introduction.  I made it through my 20's at a healthy weight, but again, I never felt that way.  No matter what the number on the scale was, I always wanted to be 10 pounds less.  Why do we ("I") fixate on the number on the scale and then judge myself so harshly?  Does it really matter?  How is it benefiting me?  Here's the answer - it doesn't.  It will never be the right number and I will always feel like I am failing.

The end of my 20's brought marriage which equaled cooking & eating more and ultimately gaining weight.  I was still very active and had the mindset that if you wanted to lose weight, you just had to exercise and exercise more!  I had no idea that I should also be focusing on what I was eating and the portion size of what I was eating.  Then I got pregnant...woo hoo, I'm eating for two!  And apparently we are two adults as I probably more than doubled the number of calories I was consuming.  It was so sad to learn that when my little 7 pound baby was born, he decided to leave the rest of the 40 pounds I had gained for him!  Some nerve!  Oh, but don't worry - breast feeding your baby will make the extra weight just fall away...I was still waiting for it to take leave of some 18 months later and guess what, it didn't!!  I think the extra 55 pounds I was walking around with was awfully comfortable and in no hurry to be lost.  I'm sure it had nothing to do with what I was eating...right?

It all started...

At the age of 10.  That is the first time I "knew" I was overweight.  At least compared to my older sisters and in the eyes of my Mom.  During that summer, I was determined to lose weight and my strategy was to distract myself from eating by watching TV.  And watch TV, I did - I had all of my shows lined up and ready for continual viewing.  Game shows to soap operas (All My Children was my favorite) to talk shows to sitcoms.  The only thing I would allow myself to eat was a BLT sandwich for lunch.  I lost weight, but as I'm sure you know, it was temporary.  And unhealthy!!

I thinned out as I grew throughout my teen years but the perception of being fat was already imbedded and no matter what I've weighed throughout my life, it still is.  The strange thing is that in reality, I think there was only one time in my life that I was actually overweight in official BMI terms.

The summer before college, my older brother told me I was going to get fat.  He said all freshman girls do - the freshman 15 is not just a myth!  I was determined to prove him wrong - I was not going to get fat and in fact, I didn't.  I ran almost everyday, lifted weights, was in dance class and ate only salad, popcorn and Diet Coke. That was the beginning of my lifelong addiction to Diet Coke.  I ended up getting sick, going to the campus nurse without a clue as to why I was having stomach problems.  I really had no idea of nutrients.  I thought I was taking care of my body by not being overweight when in fact I was malnourished - who knew?  Why are we not taught about health & nutrition in school on a regular basis?  I think it should be taught every year from kindergarten on.  Trust me, we would benefit as a society if we knew how to treat and take care of our bodies - it is just as, if not more important than the basics - math, English, social studies, etc.  Math isn't killing us as a nation; we are over-eating ourselves to death and lack of basic knowledge is partially to blame.

More to come..